Wednesday 7th January, 2009
The $64,000 question...
Issue #1396 [Feb 15th 2008]
A. Geek gave me a mention in his column last week! Don’t scoff; it’s a pretty big deal. Along with the Queen’s Tower and Mike the micrometer (Imperial’s 185-gram mascot, who knew?). A. Geek is a true Imperial institution. As I’m sure he knows, he’s not the only one who turns to his column first thing after picking up a copy of Felix. That particular ritual is one common to all the departments and serves, in fact, as one of the few points on which a geologist will agree with a civil engineer.
Week after week this mysterious geek keeps several hundred scientists and biologists simultaneously entertained and enraged. No mean feat, considering this is a public that <insert suitably offensive stereotype here> on a regular basis. Despite our differences, however, what is the question that serves as a constant irritant for us all and, in extreme cases, keeps people awake at night? Who the next rector will be? What will the results of the upcoming Sabbatical Elections be? When will we be able to walk across the Queen’s Lawn? No. The question that is on everybody’s lips is: Who is A. Geek?
Much as Bernstein, Woodward, and Bradlee were the only people to know the identity of the elusive Washington whistleblower Deep Throat, Felix Editor Tom Roberts has his own secret. And as we all know, he’s not about to share.
The extent to which Mr. Geek’s identity is a part of student life is truly remarkable. I’ve only been here for five months, and yet almost everybody I know has, at some time or another, been asked if they were A. Geek. Sabbatical Officers, Presidents of Societies, Felix contributors – anyone who has the apparent ability to string a coherent sentence together comes under the microscope.
I think this is fantastic. Every community has to have things they can rally around; authority figures they can hate, heroes they can admire and mysteries they can wonder at together. Luckily, A. Geek’s column has the ability to arouse all three emotions in even the most disinterested breast.
We each have our own image of this eloquent if hostile persona. Is he a disillusioned scientist, dosing out generous portions of bile and spleen to an undernourished public? A member of staff with a sense of humour? Do the mysterious books that clutter his mysterious desk deal with mathematics? Will all this built-up rage eventually expend itself in telescopes and high-energy particle colliders? Don’t tell me he’s a chemist or a medic – I don’t think I could handle the shock.
One thing that perplexes me, though, is the truth about Mr. Geek’s first initial. Where did the Angry come from? True, Angered Geek is a registered blog, but Alphonse Géek’s Facebook profile is worth a second glance. Maybe he’s not Angry? Maybe he prefers to be known as Apathetic? Anxious? Alone? Afraid? On second thoughts, Angry probably suits him best; even though Antagonistic, Alert, and Amusing are equally fitting appellations.
All I know for sure is that He’s out there. Somewhere. Reading this, almost certainly. Hello, A. Geek. Hello and thanks, from all of us who have no other way of telling you how much we appreciate you, and no other way of expressing our deepest sympathies.
In an ironic twist of which I’m sure A. Geek would approve, I read the piece opposite where he says he read mine.
Week after week this mysterious geek keeps several hundred scientists and biologists simultaneously entertained and enraged. No mean feat, considering this is a public that <insert suitably offensive stereotype here> on a regular basis. Despite our differences, however, what is the question that serves as a constant irritant for us all and, in extreme cases, keeps people awake at night? Who the next rector will be? What will the results of the upcoming Sabbatical Elections be? When will we be able to walk across the Queen’s Lawn? No. The question that is on everybody’s lips is: Who is A. Geek?
Much as Bernstein, Woodward, and Bradlee were the only people to know the identity of the elusive Washington whistleblower Deep Throat, Felix Editor Tom Roberts has his own secret. And as we all know, he’s not about to share.
The extent to which Mr. Geek’s identity is a part of student life is truly remarkable. I’ve only been here for five months, and yet almost everybody I know has, at some time or another, been asked if they were A. Geek. Sabbatical Officers, Presidents of Societies, Felix contributors – anyone who has the apparent ability to string a coherent sentence together comes under the microscope.
I think this is fantastic. Every community has to have things they can rally around; authority figures they can hate, heroes they can admire and mysteries they can wonder at together. Luckily, A. Geek’s column has the ability to arouse all three emotions in even the most disinterested breast.
We each have our own image of this eloquent if hostile persona. Is he a disillusioned scientist, dosing out generous portions of bile and spleen to an undernourished public? A member of staff with a sense of humour? Do the mysterious books that clutter his mysterious desk deal with mathematics? Will all this built-up rage eventually expend itself in telescopes and high-energy particle colliders? Don’t tell me he’s a chemist or a medic – I don’t think I could handle the shock.
One thing that perplexes me, though, is the truth about Mr. Geek’s first initial. Where did the Angry come from? True, Angered Geek is a registered blog, but Alphonse Géek’s Facebook profile is worth a second glance. Maybe he’s not Angry? Maybe he prefers to be known as Apathetic? Anxious? Alone? Afraid? On second thoughts, Angry probably suits him best; even though Antagonistic, Alert, and Amusing are equally fitting appellations.
All I know for sure is that He’s out there. Somewhere. Reading this, almost certainly. Hello, A. Geek. Hello and thanks, from all of us who have no other way of telling you how much we appreciate you, and no other way of expressing our deepest sympathies.
In an ironic twist of which I’m sure A. Geek would approve, I read the piece opposite where he says he read mine.
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